Lost friendships

I decided to write on a serious topic this time. I have been watching a video, along with an article and it sparked me to write about my friendships that ended abruptly and horribly. Please write your stories about friendships in the comments, then others can read about your views too.

I have never had a male friendship end badly and permanently, but women have left me and caused emotional damage. The article talks about how long term friendships can be as hurtful as a divorce and I totally agree. I have had 3 women friends who were in my lives for over 5 years, and I was so attached to their kids. Losing them meant never seeing their kids again, just like a step child of my own at times. I must admit the first 2 relationships were fairly toxic, needy and emotionally draining on me, but I loved them. I stuck it out thru marriage breakups, jobs lost, kid problems, you name it...but then the final straw was when their choices went against my moral views. I can stay out of people's business, but you know that some friends just drag you down with them, go thru hell and then You go thru the same hell hearing about it over and over. There were drugs involved in one and serious cheating and emotional abuse in another. I stuck these relationships out for at least 3 months, but deep down I knew I would have to end it. It was so hard to know that I would never see the 3 kids (combined) again, that I knew since they were born. I will miss their graduations, gfs/bfs, driving lessons, and having families of their own. I honestly stayed in these women's lives to keep in their kid's lives. So i have come to terms with the ends, but will honestly say I check up on them on myspace occassionally. I want to know they are ok, and wish them no malace. I will say that people in "my posse" know things about them and keep me updated. I doubt they do the same tho, bc they left very bitter.

Now about the friendship that hurts my being...I had a friend, C, who I knew for almost 8 years before it ended. She has 3 wonderful children, who I saw grow up. I honestly, never thought our friendship would end ever. I believed that my husband and I would go over to hang out, share holidays together, and see her kids become adults. But then one day, out of the blue it all ended to Never hear from her again. She happens to be a hoarder and a serious one. So it all starts when she starts storing her things at my house while I am out of town. After 1/4 of my basement was full of boxes to near the ceiling I started telling her that she had to get a plan to move it out. It was nothing important, things she could have donated and she had nowhere to put at her place. Then 6 months have passed, and I am coming home with the purpose of rehabbing my basement. I give her 2 more weeks notice and finally, I have to set a date for her. Of course on that Sat she never shows up. The next day I tell her she has to come and get it. I hate confrontation, but have no choice, so I use soft words, explain how desperate I am and sorry to her that it has to go. Well, no amount of stress could have prepared me for what came next. She hung up, said she would set something up and 15 minutes her husband called. Dang, cussed me out, said I never valued her, used her, and on and on. I told him that he didn't need to yell, I was sorry but I didn't have a choice anymore. He said that they were done with me, would come over while I was out of town, and really he meant it. When I returned home, I found out that she had been storing things upstairs too. All her things were gone, and I felt empty. I have never heard from her again.

Our friendship ended and I was shocked. My husband called me later from Iraq and I was in tears. He was supportive, but said I had to do it. There was a term used in the article that friendships have an expiration date. I wish I would have known, bc I gave all my heart to her and miss her so much. I wrote her an email to apologize, tell her that I valued her, explain that her husband had called, and thought it was a nice email. She never responded. Then I felt guilty that I said something mean, she could have read it wrong...so others read it and said no it was fine. Each week I think of her and her kids. I want to send them things, like the other kids in my life. I want to call and tell her Mike is back, I wanted to talk to her about deployment...etc. I don't have a friend like her, only bc I am now afraid to let someone get that close. I feel like a divorce happened, but more like the husband goes to the store and never comes home. I told her so many things, my family loved her, and I honestly thought we had a give and take relationship down pat. I really lost my one best friend that day, and it has been 10 months and feels like last month to me. There is nothing I can do, altho I wonder if writing her after all this time would get her back.

When do you have to let things go, when do you keep trying, when do you apologize over and over, can you give me advice? Hubby and I are blessed with one couple/kids that mean the world to us and is a wonderful friendship. I value them so much, but no one can replace another. I have past lovers that remain in my mind too, but my husband is a great replacement for them. I have 8 year of memories with her, and now they are just done. I am willing to read your advice, what have you done in the past, who have you lost that affected you, how do you part with kids you love when the parent leaves your life...